Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
