One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
