You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am midnight drunk by noon
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
