he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So many bounce houses so little time
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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