talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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