I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
