i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize