If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
