You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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