Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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