Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
did i walk over a car last night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
