I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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