I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize