How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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