I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
