he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
