when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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