i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
