I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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