Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize