There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
