oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
