I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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