Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
