My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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