You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
