First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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