He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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