She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
