I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
