The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize