so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
