We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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