I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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