I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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