She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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