just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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