I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
