Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
