Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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