her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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