You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
