"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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