wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
