Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
