think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
