Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize