I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
