He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
