she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wish there were birth control emojis
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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