goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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