Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
