problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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