If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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