i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize