did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
