I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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