But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
