I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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