At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
