sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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