i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
