so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
