Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
