At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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