I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
