My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
