I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
