Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
