What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Found your dick twin last night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
