Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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