wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm too high and old for this...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
