ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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