If i come over, it means nothing
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize