Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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