C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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