I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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