If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize