there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
