My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
