She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
