The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
