just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
