Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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