Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
