I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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