I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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