I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
