Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
