she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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