so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
