I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
