if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
