if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
