It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
